If your President is like mine, he probably carries around his own special chair when he attends public functions. Thinking about the ongoing turmoil in Burundi, it suddenly hit me that the problem of Africa is not Presidents who overstay in power, like my President once penned in a book he authored, called “What is Africa’s Problem”, rather it is those chairs that are the problem!
And my solution? I am going to institute a Commission of Inquiry into the makers of Presidential chairs in Africa. I mean, for so long, we have blamed these poor men for clinging onto power, for declaring themselves life presidents, for tinkering and tampering with Constitutions to remove term limits, for reading Constitutions wrongly when there are term limits, so that the Presidents read the Constitutions as though there were no term limits. I mean really, how can men, who are not related, who are not born of the same mother, behave so alike across most of the continent?
Then I got an epiphany. It’s not them. It’s the makers of the Presidential chairs that are to blame for all our havoc! Given our penchant for the spiritual in Africa, I am sure the makers of these Presidential chairs put some potent potion that makes most African leaders cling to their seats. I mean, what explains these men sticking around long past their sell-by date? What explains why these men insist on staying in the presidential seat when it’s clear that their citizens no longer have need of them? I have come to the conclusion, these men; these Presidents of ours are not the ones to blame. It’s the makers of the chairs that have a problem!
The Terms of Reference for the Commission of Inquiry are very simple and I will ensure that the Commission is a standing committee with no sitting allowances, lest we members of the commission get affected by the same potion that afflicts our Presidents. If the makers deny compromising the Presidential chairs, then we shall inquire into the people who supply the wood and other materials that make these chairs. If the wood suppliers deny knowledge of the potion, we shall dig deeper and call the tree growers. If the tree growers cannot give us answers, we shall go to those that supplied the seedlings for the trees for the wood for the Presidential chairs. If that still yields nothing, we shall inquire into who gave birth to the people who supplied the seeds that grew the trees that gave the wood that made the chairs, and so on. We shall work very hard and leave no stone un-turned. We must get to the bottom of the root of the shoot that makes our Presidents stick to their seats and stick to power.
Starting tomorrow, I’ll be conducting interviews for possible commissioners. Please send in your applications and CVs.
We must save Mother Africa!